I am continuing to look for ways to bypass my ever-so-judgemental ego in order to see the lessons I need to learn from my experiences with my father. Without bypassing my ego, I get stuck in anger, rage, resentment and sadness. Those four emotions only tell me that I am stuck in an expectation that never happened. The expectation I hold is that of having a father who emotionally supported me, who was extremely grounded, who was a natural leader, and who was completely happy with HIS own life so that he could help support me in finding happiness in MY own life.
When I get stuck holding on to that expectation, I don’t move forward. But I really want to move forward. Everyday, I gauge my emotions when I think of my father. Sometimes I feel compassionate, yet other times (especially right now), I am still resentful.
One of the most helpful tools I’ve used was Ho’oponopono, the Hawaiian art of forgiving. The premise is to ask the Divine for forgiveness, and surrender. Almost immediately after doing this, I always feel a shift.
This morning, in an effort to help out a friend understand the premise of Ho’oponopono, I did Ho’oponopono on my father as an example. But the spiritual benefit I received in turn, was astounding.
In a nutshell, this is my perspective on the events leading to my current situation with my father: I moved him 3000 miles away to a different country so he could be close to my husband and I, I got him a green card, turned my own life and routine around to accommodate him, cooked him all his meals and took him to the doctors, sacrificed my freedom and privacy with husband to take care of him, and then my father goes crazy on me, says I’m a bad daughter and blames his misery on me.
So in keeping that in mind, this is me talking to the universe:
I am sorry that you needed to use my father to project exactly what is already inside me so that I could recognize this pain and heal it within myself.
Please forgive me for not realizing that these events are part of the divine plan to show that I am already whole – please forgive me for hating my father and for not realizing that my fathers behavior is just your way of showing what I need to heal within me.
Thank you for this gift of showing me my deep seeded wounds that I would not have been able to see them unless it was shown to me in my fathers behavior.
I love you for being absolutely perfect -This perfect situation is allowing me to heal parts of myself I would never have recognized any other way.
Adventures with my Elderly Father 